u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
