the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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