I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
