Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
