remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
