i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize