wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
