he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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