i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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