this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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