if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
