I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
All I want is dick and wine.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
