I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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