I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
