Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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