i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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