I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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