I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
