My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
