look no pants
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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