someone threw a dead crab at me
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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