I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I could make wine with my vomit
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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