I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
My balls are so social today.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
