We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
