How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
