I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
