Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
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