Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
