made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
