I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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