I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
