I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
