i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
