Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Use "feeling words"
Yay
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize