i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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