please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
