It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
