I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
