She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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