When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Randomize