We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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