idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
