Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize