I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
