Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
