Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
you didnt know i had herpes?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
