Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
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