I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Randomize
