I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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