Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
