New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
