it wasn't lemon gatorade
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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