Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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