actually, I'm a sock model
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
