the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
