5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
