I skipped work to stalk him.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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