so that wasnt chicken after all
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
dude. I can hear the air.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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