I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
