Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
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