I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
