I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
