We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
