Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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