The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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